When Theology Gets Messy

The other night I got home around 10pm to find my parents at the bottom of the stairs trying to figure out a way to get my dad upstairs. That might sound kind of weird, but that's the reality my dad is faced with everyday. Because of the cancer in his spinal chord, and the fact that the radiation zapped his back into a mere shell of weakened bones that can barely support the weight of his body, everyday tasks that used to be no problem have become...well...a BIG problem. My dad's having a hard enough time walking, let alone climbing stairs.

So here's my mom, more or less attempting to carry my dad up the stairs, without much luck...and then there's my dad, writhing in pain because with each step the raw nerves in his back are shooting torturous jolts throughout his entire body.

My parents gave up right as I was walking through the door. My mom gently helped my dad to his chair, and he sat down to rest for a while. They wept bitterly together.

Finally, they mustered the strength again, and as my dad's back spasms calmed down he was able to crawl up the stairs into bed, where he typically found some relaxation and comfort from the pain. This night was different, though.

Just moments after my dad reached his bed, I heard him crying out in excruciating pain. My mom rushed to get me, and she said, "Dad needs you now. We need to pray." Together we fell down at the side of the bed, lay hands on my dad, and for quite some time the three of us cried out to God.

"Lord, you say that if we ask anything in your name, we will receive it...and Jesus, we are asking you to relieve my dad's pain now!" I cried. "You are the Great Healer...send a Spirit of healing!"

Nothing happened.

"God, don't forsake me now!" my dad wailed. "I need you!"

Nothing happened.

This went on for quite some time, and as I kneeled there next to my dad's bed, for a split second I was caught up in my own thoughts, almost as if I was entirely removed from the situation before me. Three things crossed my mind in that instant.

My first thought was how surreal this moment really was. The pain I literally felt flowing through my dad's body was like nothing I had ever seen before. It was like he was being repeatedly stabbed in the back. I knew I had never known such pain.

My second thought was how inadequate I was at praying. I soon ran out of words to say...I felt helpless.

And finally, I realized how messy theology really is. I spent four years at a Christian college trying to pack my theology nice and neat into a box, only to realize in that one moment next to my dad's bed that so many of my "simple answers" about God meant so little when it came down to the complex realities of this world. My theology has a big smiley face on it that says, "God loves you, and everything will work out if you trust in Him!" Sure, I still believe that, but I think it's a lot more messy than that. God loves us, but we live in a fallen world. God is sovereign, but sometimes he allows us to live in pain. That's the reality we all live in.

I can't explain to you theologically why God didn't bring healing to my dad as we prayed that night. And I suppose I don't have to...God can defend Himself. What I would say, though, is that we must always be careful not to put parameters around God. Sure, it's good to study the Scriptures about God and to get to know Him more, but if all of our studies in theology bring us to pots of gold at the end of the rainbow or to neat little boxes with ribbons on top, then I think we have entirely missed the mark.

Life is messy...so it shouldn't surprise us when our theology is, too.