Fear

One year ago today, I stepped onto a plane headed for South Africa. It was that day that several years of talking about being a missionary turned into an exciting and scary reality. I'll never forget the wave of emotions that rushed over me as I took my last deep breath of American air and stepped onto that plane, knowing full well that for a whole year the life that I had known up until that moment would seemingly not exist. I was walking into the unknown.

The emotion I felt in that moment can only be described as the most acute and real sense of fear that I have ever experienced. My legs felt like jelly, and I remember being surprised at how hard it was to leave. "I'm actually doing this...this is crazy," I remember thinking. But, it was too late to turn back, and deep in my Spirit I knew that going was part of God's sovereign plan for my life. That was assurance enough for me to take that last step.

It didn't take me too long in South Africa to realize how unfounded my fears had been. Not that it was silly for me to experience fear--I think fear naturally wells up in the face of the unknown (although we shouldn't embrace it)--but I quickly saw that God knew what He was doing. Within weeks, I was already to the point where I could no longer have imagined my life without the relationships I had built in Africa. I was so filled with joy that God had called me out of the comfortable life that I had known, to a new place, filled with new experiences, new relationships, and a new vision for ministry. It was in that place that I found myself growing more than I ever could have imagined. However, over the course of the year, as I embraced more and more of Africa, I found myself again in a comfortable place. I had carved out a niche for myself in South Africa, with a ministry, a church family, and many close friends. Life was getting comfortable again.

Fast forward to December 22, 2009, and there I was again at an airport, this time ready to step onto a plane headed back to my old world, my old life. It was that day that, unexpectedly, those exact same fears that I had felt a year earlier once again welled up inside me. It didn't make sense to me. I was going home. Why was I afraid of that? Home was a place that I knew. It was a place that I loved, filled with family and friends that I loved. What was so scary about that? I think the answer lies in one word: change.

Humans are creatures of habit. Most of us carve out a specific way that we live our lives--a framework, if you will--and then we exist within that framework. It's our safety net, our comfort zone, to use the old cliché. Even those of us who might describe ourselves as "spontaneous" or "adventurous" still have a propensity to form patterns within which we live our lives. What I have found, though, is that real adventure, real passion, real life is often found when we allow Christ to take us to a new place. I mean, that's what he offers us, right? A new life, new creatures in a new kingdom, serving a King who loves to take old things and make them new.

I honestly cannot imagine not having spent the past year in Africa. I experienced change and significant growth that I believe has shaped me in ways that will affect the rest of my life. God undoubtedly knew what He was doing when He called me out of my comfortable life.

Now, I'm certainly not saying that everyone is called to overseas missions. At the same time, my challenge for each one of you is to open yourself up for something fresh and new from God this year. I'm convinced that wherever the Spirit dwells, growth and change are sure to follow. If you are a believer, the Spirit dwells inside of you, so ask yourself, "In what ways does God want to mold me and change me this year?" This is a scary question because more often than not God takes us through the fire in the process of refining us. Simply put, change hurts. But I'm here to tell you that it's more than worth it. Most people will never step out and embrace change in their lives because of fear. Fear cripples us. Fear tried to keep my feet planted on the tarmac, but faith allowed me to embrace God's calling in my life and step onto that plane. My prayer for you is that this is a year in which you face your fears and step out on faith, embracing God's calling in your own life.